Life moves quickly. It seems to get even faster as you get older. What once were long summer days of rolling in the grass have somehow become endless “to do “ lists. Once upon a time I had a baby, and then I turned around and he was 9 years old and wouldn’t kiss me on the lips anymore. Every day has become a race to keep up with work stuff, school stuff, camp, Christmas shopping, therapy, date night, drinks with your friends, getting dressed, homework, getting un-dressed etc… When you have all of this and tons more occurring on a daily basis, it is super easy to let some things fall by the wayside. For parent’s, especially new or single parents, very often the easiest thing to let go of is doing anything healthy for your self. This is where I come in. My job is to remind you to slow down, to hint to you how to self nourish, to show you how to embody, and some easy ways to incorporate health and wellbeing into your busy mom or dad lifestyle.
You may wonder about my credentials. There were a few years where I had a toddler, ran my own business, while getting divorced, living off of food stamps, and working as a freelance stylist to pay the rent. There were also a few years where I had a full time job, went to school on-line full time, while single parenting in New York City without child support. During most of these years I also battled Candida, Hypo-thyroid disorder, and a parasite among other things. And in the end, terrible body image and disordered eating. That is what made me learn Reiki and Mind Body Nutrition as well as Dynamic Eating Psychology. If there is one thing I know about, it is the joys and stresses of living a healthy lifestyle while parenting, working, and dodging life’s curve balls.
Here are some healthy MIND BODY PRACTICES and PRACTICAL EVERY DAY PRACTICES and tips I have learned and would love to share with you:
Gratitude
If life had not thrown these curve balls, I never would have learned how to play catch. I let myself bitch and moan about something or complain about it to a friend for a bit and then it’s on to gratitude. How can I turn this around? How can I realize my good fortune from this journey? How can I acknowledge this treasure hunt I am on in life and all of the waves and storms and sunny beaches that have taught me how to swim play and where to look for the big X, (the buried treasure).
1) Keep a gratitude journal: Whenever you remember to write in it, do it. Write about the sunset, or your kid’s smile, or the $100 bill you found in your pants pocket. The parking space that popped up five minutes before you had to be at work… The time you missed the train and cursed, but then ran into your boyfriend on the next train and got to kiss him before work. Every negative has a positive. Every thing bad has a good side. When my father died there was no way I could even stand to see the other side of that coin. What could I have gained from this massive loss? Yet, as I look back now I can see how I never would have become the woman I am today if that tragedy hadn’t befallen our family. That woke me up to living a real life in which death existed. Before that I had been asleep. By doing this gratitude journal you will train your brain to look for the bright side and before you know it you will reside on the bright side. That doesn’t mean that you have to be happy go lucky every second of your days. You will, however feel much brighter and be able to turn the frown upside down more regularly. You will also see a shift in yourself towards bringing in more of what makes you feel good, and will bring more goodness into your life. This is an amazing exercise to make your kids do also. Deepak Chopra is really into this, and Oprah is really into Deepak, and if Oprah says it’s good, then it’s good.
Stop Being So Hard on Yourself
Look at what you DID do, not what you haven’t gotten done yet. As busy parents who want EVERYTHING for our children we tend to think of all of the things we haven’t gotten to yet, what has to get done still? This is hard to let go of, but so worth the effort. When you feel yourself starting to stress about all of those things hanging over your head just stop and take ten deep breaths. Breathing is severely underrated in America and it is probably one of the healthiest things you can do, not to mention that it keeps you alive.
While you are consciously breathing take a minute to think about all of the things you HAVE done. Take it to the bridge, don’t just think of today, think of the week, the month, the year even. You will be surprised at all that you accomplish on a daily basis and then you can give yourself a break and say, “you know what? I am going to sit down and really enjoy this cup of coffee right now”, or “It’s ok for me to relax and watch a movie, or go get a massage, or take a nap or __________.” ( fill in whatever it is that you feel guilty about taking the time to do for yourself here) Life isn’t about doing, it’s about being. So, just say thank you to yourself for doing what you HAVE done. I’m not saying sit on your ass all day and don’t do what you have to do, but Rome wasn’t built in a day. Have patience with yourself. Everything doesn’t have to happen yesterday. Breathe and enjoy what you are getting done.
Let go of perfection
We love to compare ourselves to other parents and what we think that they are “doing” but that’s just another way to toxify our own thoughts about ourselves. We have no idea what anyone else is living. I’ve worked with so many models and celebrities who most of us think “have it all.”
We look at their bodies and their wallets and where they get to travel to and we think that they are perfect and have no problems. But I’ve gotten to know a lot of these men and women and it has taught me not to compare myself or strive for perfection because no one is perfect. Everyone has their own set of toxic thoughts, or guilt, or family dramas, or dry skin and pimples. “Everybody poops.”
Kiss Your Shoulders, Kiss your Knees
This is so important I named the whole blog after it. When I was a kid I used to love to kiss my own shoulders, and kiss my own knees. There was something about it that felt like foreign skin on my lips. This past year I rediscovered this jam and I am so into it. Try it right now.
Pull down your shirt and kiss your own naked shoulder. Pull up those pants and get your lips on those knees. They have probably never been kissed before. Feel your own skin on your lips. It almost feels like someone else’s soft gentle skin. Every time I do it I think, “How could my own skin feel so soft and alive and vibrant to my own lips?” This is my way of reminding you to love yourself.
No matter where your body is at, no matter how many extra pounds you have, or how many pimples, or in-grown hairs, or scars, or whatever it is that drives you to be self-deprecating, just let it go. Just take your own body in your arms and realize that it is magic. This body is yours, it is the one you chose, the one you were given, the one you have raised and looked out of, and felt with and seen with, and learned from for this whole lifetime. It is time to get back in it and hug it and kiss it and fall in love with it all over again.
Eat Organic
This is extremely important. You do not want Pesticides and GMO’s in your body. I know that organic produce is expensive. I know that sometimes it is hard to find it where you are, but just make the effort. If you can’t get it all the time don’t beat yourself up about it, but it is really a big deal. If you read about what non-organic produce does to your body you will not want to ingest it. Many of those “fresh cold pressed” juice places that you think are offering something healthy are not. If it’s not organic, you are basically pouring chemicals into your body.
There are times when I have been living off of my credit card and not buying new clothes or shoes for me or my son, but I am buying organic produce. One way to offset costs for this is to join a CSA, Join a Co-op, buy from a farmers market, or www.thrivemarket.com, or other places that care about the planet. Check out local or small farms near you that you know treat their animals well and see where you can buy their products from. More importantly, don’t beat yourself up about it. If you can’t do it every meal, at least you are trying for the majority. Sometimes, we eat out and we have no idea where the meat or vegetables are coming from. At these times I just let it go and don’t stress about it. I’ll get to this more later, but sometimes it’s the stress and anxiety that can lower your immune system and mess up your digestion more than what you are actually eating.
Do Exercise That Makes You Feel Good
Most people tend to think that if they do an exercise that hurts and makes them sore that they have to suffer through that they will be skinny and happy. This does work for some people. (The majority being men.) However, a lot of people out there are forcing themselves to complete exercises that not only hurt their bodies, but don’t help them lose weight and also eat up a significant part of their life. You are only on this earth for a short time. Enjoy it!! Move the way you want to move. Move in the ways that make you feel good. Dance, go for walks, do yoga, do Pilates, ride your bicycle, go for a walk/run, prancercize. http://prancercise.com/video/
Whatever it is, make sure you are enjoying it. When we force ourselves to get through an intense workout that we don’t enjoy, we are literally putting our bodies into a stress response. Our sympathetic nervous system is in control and we are running from danger. This stops us from digesting and metabolizing, makes our bodies hold on to fat, makes us unable to absorb nutrients, makes our blood cholesterol go up, etc… Who wants that?
And again, just don’t beat yourself up! Sometimes in one day I will go to yoga, do Pilates at home, go for a hike and somehow maybe even meditate that same day! Because I love it! Other days I can get a 5 minute stretch in or maybe even nothing, and I eat a piece of chocolate and watch a movie. I try to give myself 10 minutes a day to do something for myself. If it’s not yoga, I meditate, if I can’t do that, I journal, or read a book I’m into. As parents we lose sight of ourselves because we want to give our children everything, but we can’t. I know that when I give my kid everything and don’t take 10 minutes to myself I become a “mean mommy.” I don’t like my kid or myself very much. A nice way to get back into an easy flow is to try 10 minutes for yourself once a week. Then try 3 days a week, then before you know it you will be giving to yourself every day. I do a lot of my exercise at home by finding videos on youtube. I really like www.yogawithadrienne.com, her 30 day challenge got me back on my yoga feet. I love http://www.decompressionproject.com/decompression-library.
Sharon Salzberg has a great meditation podcast. I like the videos of Sadie Nardini https://www.youtube.com/user/SadieYogaTV . I like all of these because I can do them on my own time. I can wake up at 5:30, do 20 minutes of yoga, meditate for 10 minutes, take a shower and then wake up my kid and get him ready for the world, knowing that I have already done something for myself today. Last but not least, sometimes doing something for yourself is doing nothing. Sometimes it’s sleeping in, or watching a movie, or eating ice-cream. And remember, everyone is different, so what works for you may not work for everyone else. Your 10 minutes of heaven for yourself might be someone else’s hell. Your body is different from your friend’s body. Your friend might be skinny but terribly unhealthy, while you may have a bigger butt, but have a stronger digestive system. You just don’t know and you can’t compare yourself. Do what feels good for you and your body.
Eat Slowly
I could talk about this one for hours, but I’m just going to touch on a few important points. Having children may be the best gift ever, but it is not easy. It adds a lot of lines to your to do list and a lot more getting up and sitting down and getting up and sitting down then we would prefer.
Sitting down and eating slowly is not something that parents are often able to do. Nevertheless, eating and standing or eating and walking, or just mindlessly shoving scraps in your mouth while you pack backpacks and teachers notes is not good for you. It causes the same Sympathetic Nervous system response that I was talking about earlier. In other words it stresses your body and lowers your immune system while also not making you feel full or satisfied whatsoever. If you can somehow find a way to give yourself 10-20 (I really want to say at least 30 but I am being a realistic New York mom here) minutes a day to sit down and savor your meal. Take 10 deep breaths before you eat. Settle your body down into somewhat of a relaxed state and acknowledge that you are eating food, or drinking a drink. You are metabolizing something. Chew it, squish saliva around it, enjoy it, and swallow it. If you can do this as a family and ritualize it then you are 100 light years ahead and truly helping your body to digest, and assimilate, and heal. But if you can’t do that then just start with yourself. Try once a week again, then try 3 times etc…I promise you that this alone will make you feel so much better, and it will teach your children a super healthy practice as well. If you need some more information about this you can read “The slow down diet” by Marc David. It’s a life changer. He also has a Podcast and a Youtube Channel and school, so it is worth looking into anyway. http://psychologyofeating.com/
Make Your Kid Eat Healthy Too
My son will be the first person to complain about and nay say this section, but some day I know he will thank me. When I first had digestive issues and had to cut out gluten and sugar among other things, I was packing my own lunch for work and eating super healthy. One day my friend asked me, “do you pack a lunch for you son?” and when I told her I didn’t. She said, “Well, why do you get to eat such healthy food and then you let him eat that crap?” She was talking about public school lunch, which has since improved a great deal, but is still not what I was eating. That got me thinking. Why was I doing that? I made him breakfast of usually whatever I could get him to eat, and I would make something else for myself. Then he had lunch at school and I would make my own, and then I would pull dinner together out of whatever was in the house that he loved and then I would make something healthy for myself. I was making 5 meals a day and he was eating crap.
So then I made him healthy too. I didn’t force him to give up gluten and sugar, but I made something that mostly we could both eat and then on my plate I would sideline the things that I was having reactions to, and add more of the things that I could eat, like lettuce, or kim chi or beans and same for him. At first he was miserable, but we have a rule in our house in which he has to at least taste it the food before he "doesn't like it". 8 times out of 10 he would actually really enjoy what we were eating, and if he didn’t, there was always a quick “healthy ramen” or something like that to make for him so he didn’t starve. Now, my kid has a super healthy pallet, and totally enjoys the food I make. (but he won’t say it out loud) So many parents let their kids eat crap because it’s all they will eat. I had to eat whatever my parents made when I was a kid. I didn’t have a choice. I let my kid have a choice in the sense that we make stuff (he helps now) that we both like, and sometimes, on special days, or once a week, I let him eat crap!
About a year ago he watched that movie “Fed Up” with me because he wanted to stay up late and watch something so I told him he would have to watch what I was watching. His mind was blown. He actually said, “Mom, I get why you want me to be healthy now.” He stopped eating sugar for about a week and now he’s totally addicted again....Although, compared to what a lot of kids out there are eating his sugar consumption is minor. Believe me, this is not easy. It takes a lot of self control and discipline, but the thing is, I’m not doing it in a harsh mean militaristic way. I’m doing it because, man, it makes us both feel so much better, and it helps my son grow up strong and healthy and smart and vibrant. Sometimes being healthy is eating crap because it tastes good and its fun and we don’t do it every day. I also make sure to explain specifically why we don’t eat certain things. He gets it. He doesn’t want to have diabetes, or a thyroid condition or a sinus infection. He gets sick about once or twice a year, if that. And like I said before. He will thank me later.
Balance
I know that this is a lot of information to “swallow”. It is years and years of trial and error and climbing and falling and reading and digesting. Even though we as humans for the most part don’t know anything, I think it is pretty good advice.
The thing with advice is that we can only take so much, and that is ok. We take a little from here and from there and we try it on for size and see how we feel and how we look. If it works, awesome, if it doesn’t , try something else. It is really about balance. It’s that push and pull. We want to try things and adventure and push ourselves to new heights and we need that. We need that extra zing of energy or that bit of healthy stress, or that bulletproof coffee in the morning. Sometimes we also need to take a step back, slow down, listen, take a nap, nourish ourselves, and eat a piece of chocolate or two. I’ve said it before in this article and I’m going to say it again and again. Just be nice to yourself. It’s ok to try and fall down and get up again. It’s ok to fall apart sometimes and put ourselves back together. Sometimes we need that so we can restructure and reboot and rebuild stronger.
No one is perfect and no one has perfect balance all the time. We don’t want to strive for perfection because it is our imperfections that make us so much of who we are. However, seeking balance is different. Balance is light and dark, feminine and masculine, high and low, hot and cold, and sweet and salty. As parents we are asked to do this a lot. To be nourishing and caring at the same time as being disciplinarians, and teachers. If we can try to be balanced for and to ourselves, then we can show our kids by example how to be healthy. They need us to grow up strong and healthy and smart and vibrant just as much as we need them to.